Will Boissoin vows to move entire city into Memorial Gardens

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — It is no secret that mayoral candidate Will Boissoin loves Memorial Gardens.

“It’s a world-class arena,” Boissoin declared in a recent interview. “It’s the best money the city has ever spent. I would have spent another $20 Million on it!”

Following some “overwhelming support” for the idea of selling The Capitol Centre and using the funds to further upgrade Memorial Gardens, Will Boissoin has unveiled his ultimate aim as “the future Mayor of North Bay.”

“When I’m elected, I’m going to have one goal, and one goal only,” declared Boissoin outside the arena Monday night. “I want to move all of North Bay into Memorial Gardens.”

Boissoin explains that the sale of The Capitol Centre would “only be the beginning,” as he would see the city sell off The North Bay Public Library, all of the city’s public parks, the Steve Omischl Sports Field Complex and anything “not within a four kilometer radius of Memorial Gardens.”

“Then, using all the money we’ve made, we would extend the arena out all the way to the Highway, down to the waterfront, and then out towards Seymour and Algonquin.”

“When we are done, we will have an almost 4000 acre sized world-class venue. After that, we can start moving people into the area, so that eventually all of North Bay will be inside Memorial Gardens!”

Boissoin is confident that the citizens of North Bay will be happier inside the vast confines of the “now galaxy-class” arena.

“Just think – we would be fortified against the weather. We wouldn’t have to worry about driving to work because all our work would take place in the arena. We’d have almost unlimited seating, and the high walls would protect us against wolves, bears, and people from Sudbury.”

“Memorial Gardens would become our livelihood. Memorial Gardens would become us.”

“And also there’d be lots of hockey to watch.”

World-Class Ideas

Boissoin says he got the idea from watching “A Knight’s Tale.”

“Back in the old days they had these big buildings that held everyone inside, and you could only get in through a big wooden door and I thought – why not Memorial Gardens? It’s already a world-class venue with a world-class Ontario Hockey team, so why not make it some world-class walls and a world-class drawbridge and just make all of North Bay world-class?”

“And you better believe our moat is going to have some world-class crocodiles.”

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