Boissoin Demands Recount

From: Darren D. MacDonald,

NORTH BAY – The North Bay Municipal election is over. The winners have been metaphorically crowned and the losers have been literally tarred, feathered, and paraded across town. But one man is not standing for it.

The man? Will Boissoin.

The election saw Mayor Al McDonald return as Mayor Al McDonald with 8079 votes, while Gary Gardiner lost with 6715 votes, Sheldon Forgette with 1532, Mike Guillemette (who dropped out of the race) with 199 and finally Will Boissoin with 98.

“I just can’t understand why I only got 98 votes,” says Boissoin. “I am the ‘average man’ in North Bay. I wear hockey jerseys, I call the police ‘bacon,’ and I go to Mayoral Meet and Greets smelling like booze. I’m just a regular guy, and I refuse to believe the numbers.”

“Yes, Will Boissoin has spoken to me about recounts of the election,” says Brett McGavin, a fellow North Bayite. “He’s called me, emailed me, texted my landline phone, messaged me on Facebook, Twitter, Tinder, Grindr, Instagram; all the social medias.”

“I keep telling him that I have nothing to do with the electoral process. I think his friends gave him my number as a joke. But if I did work for the government I’d probably tell him that the voting system is more accurate now that it has ever been with the introduction of electronic ballot counters, and that a recount will return the same results. Seeing as the process – and I can’t repeat this enough – is digital, the physical ballots are all shredded and the results are completely digitized.”

Still, Boissoin believes he has a case.

“I think that there is something fishy with the results,” says Boissoin. “I read somewhere that there was 45% of voter turnout. That’s 45 per 100 of the people… so 45 times 100 is 4500 people! So how did big Al McDonald get 8079 votes if nearly half of that voted? So, if you crunch the numbers right, it shows that 4500 people can’t make 8079 votes, so the whole thing was rigged.”

“It’s just simple math!”

More on this story as it digresses.

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