The Boat hires bouncer to throw customers into Lake Nipissing

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — Don’t rock the boat baby, or you’ll get a visit from Mr. Bradley.

Bishop “Two Teeth” Bradley is The Boat’s newest bouncer, but unlike the bouncers of the past he isn’t afraid to throw a man overboard.

“Aye,” drawls Bradley, “ye best not be squatting on your spurs or I’ll shuck you in the soup like a greasy pea.”

Bishop “Two Teeth” Bradley may have started as a simple bouncer, but he’s since become one of The Boat’s biggest attractions.

“Bishop likes to sing sea shanties,” says Boat Manager Bob Major, “and for some reason people really like to hear them.”

“We actually tried to get him to stop at first, but after Bishop threw Assistant Manager Walker into the lake, we’ve taken a more relaxed approach.”

Bradley’s Record

To date, Bishop “Two Teeth” Bradley estimates he’s throw “two dozen men, half o’ mitt of women, and one dog” overboard.

“I feel a bad for dog,” says Bradley. “But sir would not simmer. Pooch was tougher than a nickel steak on Sunday.”

“I want to clarify that we stopped paying Bradley almost two weeks ago in the hopes that he’d leave,” whispers Boat Manager Bob Major. “But he just keeps showing up.”

Bradley slides in behind and gentle grasps Major’s neck.

“Why you whispering, Bob?”

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