Al McDonald buys camouflage Predator suit in ultimate bid for transparency

From: Josie Beamish, staff

NORTH BAY — As summer turns to fall and the leaves start to change their colours, residents of West Ferris have been treated to something very unexpected appearing in the canopy of the local forestry: Mayor Al McDonald. 

Doubling down following the controversy regarding ongoing claims of conflicts of interest as well as the failed City Council porthole project, Mayor McDonald fast tracked an unheard of motion for an emergency purchase of a $35 million dollar “active camouflage three piece suit prototype” from his friends at Raytheon.

“I’ve always been told that people could see right through me,” writes McDonald in a rare interaction via email.  “Now I’m making that a reality.”

“If this isn’t being transparent, then maybe the technology just isn’t there yet.”

The Suit

Using reverse engineered, bleeding-edge nanotechnology, the suit redirects light around the wearer – giving them an eerie shimmer while rendering them practically invisible to the naked eye.

The online response from residents ran the gamut; ranging from accusations of cultural appropriation to surprised reaction GIFs.

One local council critic had this to tweet about the publicity stunt: “This isn’t what I wanted at all when I asked for transparency. There’s still a blatant conflict of interest with this absurd purchase along with the fact the city is just bleeding cash.”

The Man

In a brief retort tweet, McDonald simply stated” “If it bleeds, we can kill it.” along with a GIF of action stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers from the classic 1987 film “Predator”, clasping their hands together tightly in unity.

North Bay Police have stated that reports of trophy spines being found around McDonald’s operating hunting perimeter are unsubstantiated but have issued a recommendation that any hikers not carry weapons.

“We cannot guarantee that the Mayor has not also appropriated the sportsmanship of the Yautja along with their technology,” warns Police Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence.

“We advise all hikers to take the necessary precautions while enjoying the out-of-doors.”

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