3 Kids In Trenchcoat Exceed Restaurant Capacity, Are Detained

From: Barnaby Jenson, thenorthbaybay.ca intern

NORTH BAY – North Bay Police detained three youths on Friday inside a popular local restaurant.

“There I was, having my Friday breakfast,” recounts regular eater Agnes Cunningham. “When this real tall fellow entered the restaurant. He was just sort of looming over us all in this dark trench coat and large, cartoonish moustache.”

The overlarge man was in fact 8 year old Reggie Rickards and two of his friends, who had stacked themselves into an XXL trenchcoat in order to get some extra tasty burgers.

Reggie explained that the three rapscallions had practiced stacking themselves like circus performers “for a whole ten minutes” before getting into the coat, donning the moustache, and waddling into local breakfast hub Beef Planet – completely disregarding the building’s 10 person capacity limit. 

“That’s when it happened,” remembers Agnes. “I saw it all with my one good eye.  This tall person made it all of three feet into the door before swaying and collapsing into not one, not two, not even four, but three people!”

“I could scarcely believe my hearing aid at the cacophony of tumbling youngsters falling into silverware.”

Health Unit Response

“And that’s when I stepped in!” Health Unit Inspector Viktor Lee valiantly reported.  “I rose from my seat – where I had been enjoying my morning brown – and pointed THIS finger at them.”

Lee uses his one index finger to point to his other index finger.

“And you won’t believe what I said to them!  I said to them, I said: You have exceeded capacity!

And Lee was right – the three youngsters had now pushed Beef Planet‘s total occupancy from 9 to 12.

The “young degenerates” were escorted outside, where North Bay Police let them off with a stern talking to and a PowerPoint presentation.

Beefing Up Security

As a consequence, Beef Planet security has been raised substantially to ensure a similar incident will not happen.

“These youngster have made it like Fort Knox at my favourite breakfast place,” mumbles a disgruntled Beef Planet patron.

“Now, I have to prove that I am a singular individual wearing a trenchcoat and fake moustache, and not some Russian Nesting Doll person…or something.”

“I don’t know, I never read any of the signs they have in there.”

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