From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — Troy Hurtubise, the North Bay inventor behind the famous bear proof suit featured in “Project Grizzly,” has announced a new invention.
“The HurtuHouse is a water proof, theft proof, bear proof ice shack” declared Hurtubise Monday morning. “It is the greatest ice shack ever built, capable of withstanding hurricane level winds, raging ice storms, and even angry polar bears.”
The HurtuHouse, Troy explains, starts out as a simple trailer, but it is then covered in both Hurtubise’s Vulkanite-H compound and his patented fire paste. This makes the ice shack fire proof, water proof, ice proof, acid proof, and UV resistant.
“You could hit that thing with a truck and the truck would break,” says Hurtubise. “Not the shack – the shack won’t break. You could shoot that thing with a shotgun if you wanted. The HurtuHouse knows no pain.”
Additionally, Hurtubise says he’s installed both of his top-secret, experimental “Angel Light” and “God Light” into the each shack, so that ice fishers can go beyond the usual ice shack experience.
“The ‘Angel Light’ will literally let you see right through the ice. You can watch the fish swim up and take your hook, you can watch what’s happening in there from inside your shack. And the ‘God Light’ can help you grow some of your hair back,” Troy laughs “or grow some vegetables in there if the fish aren’t biting.”
But most important for Hurtubise is the shack’s defensive capabilities.
“So imagine this – you’re out fishing, and maybe you’re cooking a little something on the stove. Just you an your old man, fishing away, but then you look out and there it is! A 7 foot tall, 400 pound grizzly bear. You know what would happen next? That grizzly would shake the whole shack, tip it over, probably eat your foot or eat you. But not with the HurtuHouse – that bear’s never getting in. The HurtuHouse can be bit, scratch, rammed, kicked, punched, shot, set aflame – it don’t matter. That bear’s not getting in even if it’s got a rocket launcher.”
What’s more, for an additional investment, Hurtubise has offered to install his newest invention, the S-Laser, into the ice shack.
“The S-Laser is an ionized, plasma-based cannon that can produce a beam of light at a temperature of 2700 degrees Celsius [4892 Fahrenheit], which would be more than enough to cut a full-grown bear in half.”
“You can also use the laser to cut your hole in the ice, or get rid of any other ice shacks that might be blocking your view. I actually sold one to The Discovery North Bay Museum a while back, and they seem to really like it.”
The shacks start at $200 000, and Hurtubise says he’s taking orders now.
“It would make a great last minute Christmas gift for the fisherman or bear hater in your life. For an extra $1500 I’m also selling one of battle-tested bear suits. They make a great present for under the tree.”
“Really, it’s all for science and innovation. Think of all the fun and adventure little Johnny could have with an ionized laser beam that’s half the temperature as the Earth’s core.”