“Army of animals” storm, take Mattawa Ecology Centre

From: Nora D. Shadsworth, thenorthbaybay.ca contributor MATTAWA– In a move that has surprised and bewildered police and governments alike, the wildlife of Northern Ontario voted Friday to secede from humanity, establishing the independent nation of Watu wa Asili. The emerging nation’s first military move was the January 6th storming of the Canadian Ecology Centre in […]

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Mattawa O.P.P. capture a duck

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — After a nearly nine hour chase, the North East Region O.P.P. reported Friday morning that they had successfully captured a duck. “On charges of criminal conspiracy, trespassing, and resisting arrest, the O.P.P. have detained a species of waterfowl suspected to be a duck,” reads a statement […]

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O.P.P. orders fleet of paddleboats

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff MATTAWA — Following a high octane chase on Lake Talon which involved a paddleboat and a dog, the Mattawa O.P.P. announced early this morning that they would be ordering an entire fleet of police pursuit paddleboats. “I think our proud men and women deserve only the best,” began O.P.P. […]

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