North Bay prepares for annual year-end apocalypse

From: Darren D. MacDonald and Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY – With one day left in 2019, the City of North Bay is preparing for its year-end apocalypse. Preparations include stocking up on food, provisions, and medical supplies and closing all the roads in and out of the city. Some intrepid citizens have […]

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The City Council Nerf Gun Massacre

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — Tragedy struck Tuesday night when City Hall was transformed into a war zone as an effort to make City Council meetings less stressful backfired. Last week, Councillor Scott Robertson suggested using Nerf Guns to lighten the mood in City Council, though Al McDonald opposed the idea, […]

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Protesters accidentally deliver coffin with body inside

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY – On Saturday afternoon, a coffin with “Stop the Cuts” painted on it was placed at the front door of Nipissing MPP Vic Fedeli’s constituency office on Main Street during a protest against the decisions Premier Ford has made throughout his first year in office. Saturday night, […]

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Giant dirt pile outside No Frills gains sentience, eats three

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — The giant dirt pile outside of the Lakeshore No Frills gained sentience sometime Saturday evening, and has eaten three people. Eye-witness accounts say the pile of dirt, snow, and cigarette butts began to “tremble” around 7:30 pm Saturday night, before declaring that it was alive. When […]

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Police, inmates happy with “Snitches Get Bitches” program

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca NORTH BAY — In attempts to gather more information from inmates, North Bay Police Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence has launched a new campaign that will take the nation (and possibly the world) by storm! “Snitches Get Bitches.” “The idea is fairly simple. If a prisoner that has information about crimes or […]

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North Bay Police buy a helicopter

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — Citing its recent use in catching drivers passing school buses in Orillia, North Bay Police Services have purchased a helicopter. “We are proud to announce that we have acquired an Airbus H-125 helicopter,” announced Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence Tuesday morning. “This is a brand new 40 foot […]

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