N. Ontario gives up on highways, declares “Mad Max” anarchy

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTHERN ONTARIO —  Following the defeat of Bill 125, the “Making Northern Ontario Highways Safer” act, Northern Ontario collectively said “fuck it, we’ll just do whatever this winter.” Bill 125, which was defeated yesterday, would have seen Northern Ontario highways treated the same as those in Southern Ontario, with snow […]

Read More »

Local cab company opens a driving school

From: thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — 50-50 Cab, the taxi company with a sterling reputation built on the punctuality, courtesy, reliability of its operators, and the acceptance of live organs as payment, has opened a driving school. The 50-50 A1 Driving School for Drivers opened on Tuesday, with six senior cab drivers taking positions as […]

Read More »

Snow Causes “Temporary Vehicular Amnesia”

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca OTTAWA — Winter. No one knows winter better than Canadians, specifically Canadians in the north. But new studies reveal a risk that could affect everyone in North Bay. The Canadian Union of National Travel (or… nevermind) just completed a study 2 decades in the making, and the results will shock you! […]

Read More »

Every Airport property sold!

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY – Just days after the Ontario Government officially increased minimum wage, every piece of property on Airport Hill has been sold. “Clearly, the increase in minimum wage had encouraged North Bayites to buy houses,” explained Art Studebaker, a now successful real estate agent. “It’s like, one day […]

Read More »

Everyone suddenly forgets how to drive

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff M. Night Shyamalan has nothing on North Bay. In an unexpected twist, all 53 651 of North Bay’s residents have forgotten how to drive. “Well, all fifty thousand didn’t actually drive,” former North Bay Transit driver Paul Picard stated. “That’s closer to fifteen thousand. But still, it seems like everyone […]

Read More »