From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — Following his provincial election win, Ontario PC leader Doug Ford quickly declared that he was going to make good on his “Buck a Beer” campaign pledge.
“The people of Ontario were promised this,” said Ford. “And I’m going to deliver. I’ve always been true. I have never lied. A buck a beer for every man, woman and child!”
After Ford’s speech, Nipissing MPP Vic Fedeli excitedly announced the immediate construction of a new brewery in North Bay.
“The three story wood structure will be built on High St.,” explained Fedeli. “Construction will begin in early July, with a completion date of mid-September. We’re moving fast on this, because we know that cheap beer is a top priority for everyone in Ontario.”
The yet to be named brewery will be built across from Chippewa Secondary School, so that it has “easy and ready” access to Chippewa Creek.
“Once the brewery is built, I’m told it will immediately be able produce cases of ‘Dollar Beer’ in only two day’s time. The master brewers will pump water directly from Chippewa Creek, and then will… Well, I’m not really sure what they’ll do. But anyway, it only takes two days and it’ll be really cheap.”
Fedeli was not able to give a name for any of the beers, but did suggest titles like “Chippewa Chill,” “Horwath Sure Looks Pale Ale,” “Sad Wynne Stout,” and “The Great and Glorious Doug Ford Lager.”
“I’m also here to announce that we are cutting 350 staff from the North Bay Regional Health Centre, reducing our funding for Nipissing and Canadore by half, and are planning the complete shutdown, division, and sale of Ontario Northland Railway.”
“Well… Enjoy the beer!”