City to build new arena on Airport

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY – City Council declared today that it would be building a replacement for the aging West Ferris arena on Airport. “It just made the most sense,” said Counsellor Dalton Sheegan. “The Airport area is in dire need of some stimulus. There’s not much up here, and Ferris […]

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Everyone suddenly forgets how to drive

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff M. Night Shyamalan has nothing on North Bay. In an unexpected twist, all 53 651 of North Bay’s residents have forgotten how to drive. “Well, all fifty thousand didn’t actually drive,” former North Bay Transit driver Paul Picard stated. “That’s closer to fifteen thousand. But still, it seems like everyone […]

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Chief Commanda III: The Reckoning

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY –  It’s official – there will now be three Chiefs. The announcement of the commission of a third Chief Commanda came Monday from new City Councillor Vic Tikus. Tikus, 49, was sworn in after thirteen City Councillors tragically died from staring directly into last week’s solar eclipse […]

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Local student ghetto residents begin stockpiling new complaints

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY – Residents of the “student ghetto” – a network of roads that include McNamara St., Cartier St., Champlain St., and Belleview Crescent – met Friday evening to create and stockpile new complaints about the incoming student population. “They’re too loud,” Betty Wriggles put forward. “They play music […]

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North Bay animals prepare for battle

From: Jeff Hurly, thenorthbaybay.ca staff In a stunning and unexpected development, several local animals have been seen preparing for combat. Numerous dogs, cats, and at least one budgie named “Pippin” have been witnessed donning plate mail, cuirasses, tiny leather gauntlets and horned iron helmets as they await what can only be an incoming deluge of […]

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City Council cancels tourism campaign

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — City Council announced today it would be scrapping its latest tourism campaign. The “Expose Yourself to North Bay’s Beaches” campaign, aimed at encouraging outsiders to travel to North Bay to experience its many beaches and waterfronts, was cancelled Saturday. Molly Helms, the Council’s nervous summer intern, called […]

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