Local student ghetto residents begin stockpiling new complaints

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY – Residents of the “student ghetto” – a network of roads that include McNamara St., Cartier St., Champlain St., and Belleview Crescent – met Friday evening to create and stockpile new complaints about the incoming student population. “They’re too loud,” Betty Wriggles put forward. “They play music […]

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North Bay animals prepare for battle

From: Jeff Hurly, thenorthbaybay.ca staff In a stunning and unexpected development, several local animals have been seen preparing for combat. Numerous dogs, cats, and at least one budgie named “Pippin” have been witnessed donning plate mail, cuirasses, tiny leather gauntlets and horned iron helmets as they await what can only be an incoming deluge of […]

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City Council cancels tourism campaign

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — City Council announced today it would be scrapping its latest tourism campaign. The “Expose Yourself to North Bay’s Beaches” campaign, aimed at encouraging outsiders to travel to North Bay to experience its many beaches and waterfronts, was cancelled Saturday. Molly Helms, the Council’s nervous summer intern, called […]

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Cassells’ Tim Hortons secretly the lair of Dr. Doom, police report

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff After a national search which apparently involved members of the CSIS, CIA, MI5, CIRO, and the North Bay Police Department, Sean Divine, the NBPD Chief of International Relations, has named the Tim Hortons located on Cassells St. as the official lair of Dr. Doom. “It’s obviously his hideout,” surmised […]

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North Bay to open 8 more Tim Hortons

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff Tim Hortons increased the price of many of their hot beverages and breakfast items today, with the average increase of 10 cents on each cup of coffee. Along with the price hike, Angela Markham, the Tim Hortons High Chancellor for North Bay, announced the construction of 8 new Tim […]

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