From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca
NORTH BAY — The North Bay Municipal elections are upon us, and for many that can mean only one thing:
Northbrand Wrestling’s 2nd ever “Mayoral Rumble!™“.
“I love this town” says Northbrand Wrestling owner Dann Jarris, “Years ago I wanted to do more than just vote. I thought ‘what can I do to help my fellow man?’ The answer was simple: collect all the mayoral candidates and have them fight for the title of Mayor!”
While the first Mayoral Rumble™ was “more of an underground affair” that took place in the McIntyre parking garage and featured a “nearly feral Al McDonald throwing incredible haymakers,” Jarris wants this Mayoral Rumble™ to be more open and transparent.
“I invited all of the mayoral candidates to City Hall on Saturday,” says Jarris. “Everyone showed up, but I was surprised at how on board they all were.”
Saturday Throw Down
Once all the candidates were present, Jarris reports that Mayor Al McDonald swaggered up to the podium with a “North Bay Mayor” title belt slung over his shoulder and addressed the crowd.
“We all know why we’re here. We’re here because we want to be mayor. North Bay deserves a leader that is tough as nails.”
McDonald took a minute to eye his competitors.
“September 22nd will be the second ever ‘Mayoral Rumble™’, and all of you will be in it. But this time it will be different. This time, the winner will face me, MAYOR AL MCDONALD, one-on-one, on October 22nd … IN A LADDER MATCH!”
Jarris reports that while many of the candidates grew pale, no one left the room.
The North Bay Bay caught up with some of the candidates Tuesday morning to get their reactions.
“I gotta say it was a bit much at first,” says candidate Shelden Forgette. “Sure, I’ll be officiating at Northbrand’s August 26th show ‘Not Another Rumble In The North’ (tickets on sale now), but going from being a ref to a participate? That’s a BIG difference.”
Gary Philip Gardiner was more confident.
“Come the ‘Mayoral Rumble!™’ North Bay will know the meaning of pain! My platform is destruction! When I’m standing in the ring with my hand held high the rest of the candidates will be broken and strewn across the floor. They will FEAR THE NAME GARY! PHILIP! GARDINER! Then on the 22nd of October, I’m coming for you, Al. You will bleed! You will break, I will get that belt and become the new Mayor of North Bay! WOOOOOO! WOOOOOO!”
Does deciding the future Mayor of North Bay through an undemocratic no-hold-barred ladder match bother Dann Jarris?
“No, not in the least. Fair and balanced democratic election are a thing of the past. The citizens of North Bay look towards these dates. I’ve seen a few McDonald 3:16 shirts, and others hoping that Sheldon ‘The Forge’ comes through. Cheering for and hoping their candidate wins is much more interesting than some silly old vote.”
Tickets for the ‘Mayoral Rumble!™’ are on sale now a City Hall and by a mysterious alley dwelling men with wearing a long, light gray trench coat down on Main East.
Citizens are asked not to worry about the coat, as he is friendly and has candy.