Ferris literally shrivels up and falls off

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — At the news of its last bank institution closing, the Ferris area shriveled up and fell off Friday night.

Having already lost its TD Bank branch, Urban Planet and Source, the area looked to lose Carlton Cards at the close of the month and its Scotiabank branch come September. With no banking in sight, and nothing to offer but the future construction of 30 more identical swamp land houses, the Ferris area simply turned into a giant raisin and silently dropped right off.

“I think we’ve lost something important” read City Councillor Vic Tikus from a prepared statement Monday. “I say ‘think’ because I never went there. But my wife says she’s almost positive that there was something nice down there.”

The surviving residents of the area said that Ferris began to dry up sometime around 8 pm Friday night before letting out a collective moan that could “almost be heard” on Airport.

The area at the bottom of the Lakeshore Overpass is now a huge, seemingly bottomless pit from which drift “inhuman and otherworldly cries.”

Rochon Construction announced plans for construction over the pit Saturday morning.

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