“Army of animals” storm, take Mattawa Ecology Centre

From: Nora D. Shadsworth, thenorthbaybay.ca contributor

MATTAWA– In a move that has surprised and bewildered police and governments alike, the wildlife of Northern Ontario voted Friday to secede from humanity, establishing the independent nation of Watu wa Asili.

The emerging nation’s first military move was the January 6th storming of the Canadian Ecology Centre in Mattawa, Ontario.

In a press release, wildlife military commander Cutesy Floppy-Ears explained that “other than some bruised egos, the Humans were not harmed and did not put up much of a fight.”

A New Flag

Fortified in the Town of Mattawa war bunker which is housed in Myrt’s Family Restaurant on McConnell Street, Mayor Samuel de Brulé recounted the attack, now known as The Battle of Backroads Bill.

“I was at the Ecology Centre on official business when the power went out. Then it was chaos: feathers and fur and claws were flashing everywhere. I can still hear the shrieks and the growls. It was over in minutes but I’m still scared. I don’t really know what’s going on.”

In the early morning of January 7th, the Ecology Centre flag was replaced with the Watu wa Asili flag: a golden hoof, paw print, feather, and scale design on a teal green backdrop.

Headed to North Bay

Now with an official capital “city”, the newly-formed nation’s first move was to elect black bear Mukwa Pooh as Den Mother Prime – the wild equivalent to a Prime Minister or President.

“For thousands of years, the Two-Leggeds have subjugated and tormented the Wilds of this land,” says Den Mother Pooh. “This was our time to rise and take back what the Great Powers gave us. We will avenge our fallen ancestors by storming the Two-Legged’s lands, starting with Mattawa, Powassan, and then North Bay.”

“Once we have gained control, Humanity will be asked to leave in an orderly fashion. Those who resist may find our response… barbearic.”

The international community has been silent concerning the attack, though sales of George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” have skyrocketed worldwide.

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